Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
