Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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