Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We just shotgunned beers for America
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
