I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You are a genius and a whore.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
