Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
