About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
thus making me awesome and them whores
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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