Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
