moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
