What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
