he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
