The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
