i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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