If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
