she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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