I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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