What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
