She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
