I am in a vortex of obligation.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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