I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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