How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
