you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
