weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
