Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
