She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
