Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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