Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
