Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
