Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
