I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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