apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
