Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
