Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
