That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
