I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
