PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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