He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
