but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
