Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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