$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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