I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
