He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
