I'm pants shitting drunk right now
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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