Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
