I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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