i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We talked him into tasing himself.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
