we're blogging at a bar
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
