I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
