doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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