i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
