Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
