sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
