Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
