Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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